He is a fucking jackass and she deserves much better. She needs to get away as soon as humanly possible and I plan to do anything I can to make that a reality.
How's them apples?
Here's the long and the short of it. I haven't played with them for a long time. He started to seem like he wasn't telling the truth and the last time I was with them she just didn't seem happy. I am completely taken by her body and her smile. The last time we played I spent all the down time letting my hands wander over her, and she snuggled into me like a puppy in from the cold. It has been a long time since anyone other than my kids have snuggled into me in such a needy way. They never once touched each other affectionately that I remember, it was strictly sex.
She apologized after she started feeling poorly and we had to call off the fun. I told her that it wasn't a problem for me, that my intent was to make her happy, and I'd rather see her happy than have my own orgasm. She beamed (which made my day, she has an incredibly beautiful smile). I thanked her for having me over and gave her a hug before leaving. He didn't say a word, just walked out the door. In light of what I know now it all makes sense.
She and I connected on a social networking site, and have been talking since. It's been really hard to get ahold of her but she seems genuinely interested in talking. I was saving my revelations until we met in person, but finally they were bugging me and I laid it out in an email that I thought her ex-boyfriend was doing things she wouldn't be happy about, and told her that he had given me pics of her with me and others...only telling me later that, "She'd be so pissed if she knew I did that". Turns out my gut was on the right track.
She messaged me back saying she knew he was up to no good, that she wanted to see the pics he had before I deleted them, and that she was counting the days until she moved. She said at this point she was tired of hearing about all the ways he's tried to hurt her, that she didn't want to hear the rest of what I suspected. She's headed back to school and to a different town in large part to get away from him. She was pissed, and rightly so considering the stories she had to tell.
Apparently around the time we last played he started getting high again and really went down hill. Up until then he had been doing pretty well from everything I can figure out, but he never was very honest about his intentions. He apparently is a pretty good con, and also sounds emotionally abusive (I haven't heard or seen anything that would indicate physical abuse). She revealed that despite having moved out he still shows up at her place at all hours and lets himself in (He has stolen several keys and door openers and has even let himself in through the window). She is too afraid to kick him out, and even so afraid to make him angry she doesn't want to meet me to talk for fear he will be in her apartment and asking why she is late home from work.
Further, he is spying on her communications. We've been talking for a couple months off and on. It's mostly been chit-chat and nothing serious. The day after I emailed her my concerns I get a text from him saying, "What have you been talking with ____ about?". Hmmm? That raised lots of red flags so I emailed her. She was pissed. He apparently had a password or something and was reading emails. That is scary shit, only fucked up scary people do shit like that.
This really pisses me off. She is an incredibly intelligent and wonderful girl who shouldn't have to put up with his shit. On the one hand I'm very proud of her for getting to this point. She moves in less than two weeks and has successfully kicked him out of the house (sortof), gotten herself into school, and arranged a getaway plan despite him obviously being a very controlling asshole. Many women I know would not have had the gumption to do what she is doing. Still, she isn't there yet and I worry about her.
It is difficult to be in this situation. I've made it clear to her that I am here to help in any way I can, that if she ever has a problem or needs anything at all she can contact me day or night. Still, things are bad enough that she can't bring herself to meet me for fear of repercussions. That means I really can't help in any material way. Instead I end up sending texts to make her smile or just to say "hi, how are you doing today", and often not hearing back for days because she isn't able to text me due to all his controlling BS. I also worry that he'll steal her cell phone. My texts will only make the situation worse if he reads them. That is a fear that isn't completely irrational given the kind of person I've learned that he is and his propensity to 'visit' her at odd hours. It is also a fear that no one should have to deal with, it's twisted and seriously fucked up.
I think she needs a restraining order and to put a call in to his probation officer...but I can't be the one to do that. What I really want is to stop by his place and allow him to leave pleasantly, in a horizontal position, in the company of several of the areas finest volunteer medical staff. Unfortunately that isn't an option either, despite how much I think he might deserve it. She said she just wants to get through this two weeks without rocking the boat, and I can understand where she is coming from, but it just isn't right. That response also smacks of the self doubt and fear of someone who has been abused. Noone who has just broken off a normal, loving and non-abusive relationship, would ever think it was ok for an ex-boyfriend to just, "show up" inside your house after stealing your keys or forcing your window.
Believe me, anyone out there who has been in a similar situation and has tips for dealing with it let me know. I'm not well practiced in the art of dealing with complete and utter fuck-ups, druggies, and con-artists. I'm also horribly under-educated in how to intervene in abusive situations as a complete outsider.
Anyway...the moral of the story is that you should always make sure that you know for sure that the couples you play with are both on board with what is going on. Yes, the kink that she wanted to be fucked by a stranger while wearing a blindfold is hot, extremely hot. Still, if I had to do it over again I would definitely do it differently. He's a smart con, using just that one kink he was able to keep us both in the dark about quite a few things. Luckily for me his graft slipped up when she took the blindfold off and I got to know her a bit. The alarm bells started going off soon after that because his double talk immediately started to ring false.
So...be careful out there, some people really do suck...
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